I think of growing up in four phases. The first phase begins when we’re born. I guess we should count the nine months of growing before birth, but things get serious once you’re out in the real world. Of course, you have to figure out how to breathe right away, but for the next year or so, you get to lay around and simply grow larger. Before you know it, though, you get into the serious work of growing up.
Learning how to walk usually comes next, and that can be treacherous. During those precarious initial trials, we often dive head-first into a coffee table or some other inconveniently placed obstacle. Undaunted, we eventually figure out how to be a dreaded toddler. Around this same time, you’re expected to stop peeing and crapping in your diapers. Potty training can be stressful, but it builds self-control and a sense of responsibility – key attributes of growing up.
The next big milestone is learning how to talk. This process can be confusing because once you begin exercising your newfound skills in articulation, your parents complain that you’re driving them crazy and to shut up. In the old days, back when I was in phase I, there was an ironclad rule that children were to be seen and not heard. They apparently threw that rule out somewhere along the way.
Once you’ve resolved all the fundamentals of growing up, your primary duty is learning. It starts with basic skills like tying your shoes, buttoning your shirt, combing your hair, washing your hands before you eat, and stuff like that. Things get more difficult as you continue to grow.
I learned that you shouldn’t dig holes in the yard, try to suffocate your sister with a pillow, play with matches, or throw a snake at the neighbor girl. These lessons often involved a spanking to emphasize the ramifications of undesirable behavior. Corporal punishment seems to have gone out of favor, but it was a big part of growing up while I was in phase I.
Many of us make it through phase I with only a few scars and the life skills that will serve us well through the next phase. Since I was the firstborn in our family, I had the opportunity to teach my siblings all that I’d learned. I ruled with determination, intent on helping them understand that I knew the ropes.
Things become more intense in phase II. We’re required to go to school and learn skills such as reading, writing, arithmetic, and many other things like shop and home ec. Back in my day, there were no calculators, smartphones, or laptops, and no prohibitions on school-administered discipline. I attended a Catholic school. Do I need to say more? Everything about school has changed since then, but you’re still expected to mature during this phase.
Change is a big part of growing up in phase II. We all must go through that awkward stage of morphing from a kid into a teenager. At some point in this phase, we discontinue growing up vertically and shift into growing mature - physically. Girls blossom to become young women, while boys – well they mostly remain boys, with a bit of facial hair, a deeper voice, and a propensity to be even more obnoxious. During this phase, boys and girls find themselves attracted to each other. Oddly, this is also when many teenage children believe their parents become less knowledgeable.
This is the phase when people start asking you what you want to be when you grow up. We are expected to figure out what we’re going to “do” as adults. I suppose for some, this big decision comes easy, but when I was growing up, I had no idea what I wanted to be.
Many kids use their parents’ careers as a possible choice for what they’re going to do for the rest of their lives. My father was an armament technician at a large aircraft manufacturing company. He worked with machine guns, rockets, bomb racks, and the ejection seat systems in jet fighters. It’s not the sort of job a teenager can easily aspire to.
Theoretically, we’re launched from phase II to phase III at age 18. At this age, we are legally adults, at least for purposes of voting, marrying, and serving in the military. However, for many, growing up continues for many years beyond the legal criteria.
Phase III is when you are supposed to become a grown-up. The problem with this concept is that the definition of being a grown-up is dicey, especially in the twenty-to-thirty age range. It’s not unusual to observe puerile behavior being exhibited by adults. It takes more time for some people to grow up.
I recently got in line at a grocery store cashier during a disagreement between a mother and her teenage daughter. The teenager wore an expression of petulant annoyance as she mumbled something inappropriate. The mother stiffened. “Why don’t you grow up?”
I’ve heard that same question directed at me in my life. My mother used to tell people that I was flighty. She told me more than once that I was a Jack of all trades and master of none. “When are you going to grow up?” Today. I would have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder and given some medication.
I finally grew up at around 40. Being a grown-up involves responsibility, maturity, reliability, and dependability. It’s not always easy. Sometimes you just want to act like a kid again and I think that’s okay. Letting loose occasionally might help you to stay feeling young, which is an important success factor as you enter phase IV.
Phase IV is when we transition from growing up to growing old. In some ways, growing old is like phase II. We need to learn new things, the kind of things that we didn’t have to think about when we were younger. Some aspects of growing old can actually reverse a few of those we achieved growing up.
Our memory gets a little less sharp. I tell people I’ve forgotten more than most people will ever know. The old joints start getting stiff and you have to take care that you don’t stumble and dive headfirst into that same damn coffee table. I just hope I don’t have to start wearing diapers again.